{"id":24643,"date":"2026-04-28T12:01:39","date_gmt":"2026-04-28T12:01:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/incredipros.com\/?p=24643"},"modified":"2026-04-28T12:01:40","modified_gmt":"2026-04-28T12:01:40","slug":"what-to-do-when-youre-having-an-identity-crisis","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/incredipros.com\/?p=24643","title":{"rendered":"What to Do When You\u2019re Having an Identity Crisis"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Who am I?<\/em>\n <\/p>\n

\n

Get expert money advice to reach your money goals faster!<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

If you\u2019re asking yourself that question, you\u2019re in good company. Scholars, philosophers, psychologists, teachers, rabbis and pastors have debated identity for centuries. It\u2019s hard to put it into words\u2014and yet it\u2019s so foundational to how we make meaning in this world.\n <\/p>\n

When you feel like you\u2019re in the middle of an identity crisis, you might feel scared, disoriented and overwhelmed\u2014like you\u2019re treading water in the middle of the ocean. But it doesn\u2019t mean there\u2019s something wrong with you. Like the seasons, identities change. Relationships grow and end. Shifts in identity are part of what happens when you grow and gain wisdom.\n <\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to share some helpful ways to move through this crisis\u2014but first, let\u2019s define what we mean by\u00a0identity<\/em>\u00a0in the first place.\n <\/p>\n

What Is Identity?<\/h2>\n

Your identity is the story you tell yourself about yourself. It\u2019s the way you make sense of your purpose and value in the world and your relationship to the people and communities around you.\n <\/p>\n

On the surface, we often express our identity by talking about our job, talents, relationships or even personality tendencies: \u201cI\u2019m a writer\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m a hunter\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m a mom\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m a control freak.\u201d But these terms we use are labels<\/em>. They\u2019re shortcuts to summarize a much more complex story we\u2019re telling ourselves about ourselves. \u00a0\n <\/p>\n

How Does Identity Develop?<\/h2>\n

As I said above, identity is the story you tell yourself about yourself. But this key story is formed by three different types of stories woven together: the stories you\u2019re born into, the stories others tell you, and the stories of your experiences.\n <\/p>\n

Let\u2019s unpack each one.\n <\/p>\n

1. The Stories You\u2019re Born Into<\/h3>\n

Nobody chooses the family, race, country, time period and culture they\u2019re born into. We\u2019re just dropped into the middle of the action\u2014beginning a new scene in a complex and lengthy movie. Before we even speak a word or take a wobbly step, we\u2019re watching and listening and absorbing a set of expectations about who we are and what we can and cannot do in the world. \u00a0\n <\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what this looked like for me: I was born to barely-middle class white folks in a suburb of Houston. I attended high-pressure schools where we were pushed to grow and achieve and compete. I was expected to go to college. I was expected to go to church. These things weren\u2019t up for debate.\n <\/p>\n

Beginning in middle school, I was expected to get a job (or two or three) and work with excellence. My friend circles all talked in certain ways, laughed and joked in certain ways, and loved and showed up for one another in certain ways. All of these things told me a story about who I was day after day. \u00a0<\/em>\n <\/p>\n

Your story is just as unique as mine. You didn\u2019t choose many parts of it, and yet it has shaped you.\n <\/p>\n

2. The Stories Others Tell You<\/h3>\n

In addition to the broader story you\u2019re born into, the people closest to you will tell you stories about the world and about yourself that will shape you too.\n <\/p>\n

Generally speaking, our parents, caregivers or immediate families have a huge say in the stories we believe about ourselves. We rely on our parents for guidance and interpretation about the world around us, so what they say\u2014and more importantly, how they act toward and around us\u2014matters<\/em>.\n <\/p>\n

Maybe your mom told you every single day that she loved you\u2014or maybe she put you down for being overweight. Either way, you were absorbing and believing the things she said. Maybe your dad was highly in tune with you, and you felt deeply loved and connected. Or maybe your dad\u00a0bailed on you, and though he never said a word, his absence was a loud and brutal story about how little you mattered. You internalized all of these stories.\n <\/p>\n

As we age, the circle of influence expands\u2014we listen to stories from teachers, friends, boyfriends and girlfriends, and people on social media and in entertainment. These stories take root in our bodies and ultimately inform gene expression, immune function and healthy aging. In fact, well into our adulthood, we\u2019ll be shaped\u2014both positively and negatively\u2014by the stories that people tell us.\u00a0Choose your friendships\u00a0wisely.\n <\/p>\n

3. Your Stories of Your Experiences<\/h3>\n

Our experiences\u2014what we witness and do and create and work on\u2014also help form our identity. We learn about ourselves and the world through active participation in our own story. Experience is the greatest teacher.\n <\/p>\n

Think about the variety of ways we use our experiences to tell the world who we are: \u00a0\u00a0\n <\/p>\n